Chapter Twenty-One: Because I Am a Girl

Lin Ning stood nearby, waving at Gu Yan inside, but there were people blocking her view, and Gu Yan didn't notice. In the final seconds, Gu Yan ended the basketball game with a three-pointer. Amidst the cheers of the crowd, his gaze wandered restlessly among them, as if searching for something. Sweating profusely, he casually lifted his shirt to wipe his forehead, smiling as he walked toward where Yu Sheng was standing.

Beads of sweat still clung to Gu Yan’s hair, and his exposed arms in his basketball jersey looked incredibly attractive, causing the girls around him to hold their breath and blush. He had barely taken a few steps when the girl standing in front of Yu Sheng lost her patience and, bashful, walked forward. Only then did Yu Sheng and Lin Ning realize it was Shen Ting.

Shen Ting believed Gu Yan was approaching her, so she stepped forward, blocking his path and shyly handed him a towel and sports drink she had prepared in advance. Gu Yan, having spotted Yu Sheng, was heading her way but found his path obstructed. Instinctively, he looked down and saw a girl handing him a drink. He hesitated, intending to refuse, but the girl never looked up, assuming he was about to accept, and placed the drink in his hand, deliberately brushing his palm as she did so.

To those watching, it appeared as if Shen Ting was gently offering Gu Yan a drink, and Gu Yan, doting, accepted it. But Gu Yan shivered inwardly, his arm breaking out in goosebumps, and at that moment, he anxiously looked toward Yu Sheng only to find she had already left. Lin Ning stood nearby, arms crossed, watching him with a look of disappointment. When she noticed his gaze, she shook her head at him.

Something wasn’t right—this wasn’t the outcome he had imagined. Gu Yan’s brow twitched.

After handing him the drink, Shen Ting tried to move closer to Gu Yan. Annoyed, he tossed the drink back to her and pushed her away, then shoved through the crowd and ran in the direction Lin Ning had indicated.

Shen Ting, who had been basking in the joy of Gu Yan accepting her gift, was nearly knocked to the ground and stood stunned, watching him run off in disbelief. She was a privileged girl—how could he push her away in front of everyone?

Once she realized what had happened, anger flared within her. She saw the people around her whispering and laughing at her expense. Never before had she suffered such humiliation, and her cheeks burned, tears welling in her eyes. She forced herself to hold back her tears and shame, then fled the crowd. Her so-called friends only watched her misery; not one came forward to comfort her.

Following Lin Ning’s direction, Gu Yan caught up with Yu Sheng at the shop entrance.

“Yu Sheng!” Gu Yan called, panting, as he grabbed her arm.

Yu Sheng didn’t immediately turn around after being stopped. She paused for a few seconds, then spun around abruptly, her face wearing the usual smile Gu Yan was accustomed to.

“Gu Yan? What are you doing here? You played really well—the whole class won because of you.”

She spoke several sentences, leaving Gu Yan unsure how to respond. Yu Sheng seemed perfectly normal, but Gu Yan sensed something different in her smile.

Usually, when Yu Sheng smiled, her face would round out, her eyes would curve, and two dimples would appear at the corners of her mouth, making her irresistibly cute and inviting others to smile with her.

But today’s smile didn’t give Gu Yan that feeling.

“Why did you leave early?”

“My body’s not feeling well, so I wanted to go home,” Yu Sheng replied lightly.

“I’ll walk you back, then.”

“You’re today’s hero. Lin Ning said the class president will organize a gathering at K later, and you have to go.”

Gu Yan tilted his head, gazing down at Yu Sheng. “I’m not going. If you’re not there, it’s meaningless wherever I go.”

After saying this, Gu Yan’s breath tightened. He was testing Yu Sheng, trying to gauge her feelings for him, trying to understand what he meant to her—just as Song He had asked: was he merely a classmate, a neighbor, or something more?

Gu Yan stared intently at Yu Sheng’s face, hoping to catch a hint of reaction. But to his disappointment, her expression remained unchanged.

“Haha, what you said—if I go, it won’t mean much either,” Yu Sheng replied, not looking at him but focusing on the road ahead.

As they spoke, the two reached the classroom. Yu Sheng picked up her already packed schoolbag, smiled at him, and brushed past his shoulder, saying as she passed, “Have fun!”

Gu Yan wanted to follow her, but Yu Sheng stopped him. “I don’t want everyone complaining tomorrow that you missed out because of me.”

With that, Yu Sheng waved and turned decisively toward the school gate.

Gu Yan was bewildered. Yu Sheng felt so different today. If before he sensed she had a slight fondness for him, today it seemed she regarded him as just another classmate—perhaps even less than Chen Ke’an.

He wasn’t sure why he thought of Chen Ke’an, but whenever he remembered Chen Ke’an was Yu Sheng’s middle school classmate and lived in the same neighborhood, Gu Yan felt a pang of jealousy. He couldn’t believe Chen Ke’an’s feelings for Yu Sheng were purely platonic.

Perhaps Chen Ke’an sensed Gu Yan was thinking about him, for while Gu Yan was lost in thought, Chen Ke’an appeared in the classroom.

Gu Yan looked up at Chen Ke’an, who was packing his bag. “You’re not going to the party?”

Without looking up, Chen Ke’an replied, “I’m not. I haven’t finished my homework, and unlike you, I didn’t contribute much to the win today.”

“Yang Xiaolong said all the players must be there. It might not be good if you don’t go.”

Chen Ke’an had finished packing, stood up, and looked at him. “I already told him.”

He hadn’t worn his glasses during the game, but now he was holding them, cleaning them carefully. Chen Ke’an’s eyes hadn’t sunk from years of wearing glasses; quite the contrary, without them, his facial features appeared more defined. As he lowered his head to clean them, his lashes drooped, casting fan-shaped shadows beside his nose, accentuating his straight bridge.

Once Chen Ke’an put on his glasses, his previously hazy gaze became sharp. He glanced at Gu Yan, who was staring at him in confusion. “But you’re so popular today, I doubt you can escape.”

Gu Yan said nothing and was about to leave when classmates began filing into the room. Chen Ke’an patted his shoulder and walked out.

Gu Yan pulled his bag from under the desk, ready to follow Chen Ke’an, but Yang Xiaolong and Wu Jielin blocked him. “Gu Yan, you can’t leave today. If you do, the party won’t be any fun.”

Other classmates nodded in agreement, leaving Gu Yan exasperated. Lin Ning, nearby, made no effort to help—she even propped her chin, clearly enjoying the spectacle. Gu Yan suspected Lin Ning had deliberately brought Yu Sheng at the last moment.

He drew Yang Xiaolong aside. “I usually live alone—my parents are abroad. But they just called and said they’re coming back today, just to see me. So I really can’t make it today, sorry.”

Of course, the story about his parents’ visit was a fabrication. Those parents, who had nearly forgotten him, would never suddenly return just to see him.

Yang Xiaolong nodded understandingly, sighing, “Alright, family comes first. Go see your parents. We can have another gathering later. Don’t worry—I’ll handle things on that end. You go on!”

Grateful, Gu Yan glanced at Yang Xiaolong and slipped out with his bag.

On the way, Gu Yan puzzled over whether Yu Sheng was jealous.

But even if she was, her reaction seemed exaggerated. If she really was jealous, doesn’t that mean she likes me? Yet when I hinted so obviously, she showed no reaction at all. Isn’t that contradictory?

Gu Yan felt exhausted. He didn’t want Yu Sheng to be angry because she was guessing at things, didn’t want her to feel distrustful or unreliable toward him, as Song He had warned—if she did, she’d never give him her heart.

Yu Sheng herself didn’t understand why her reaction was so intense. She had seen things the same way everyone else did—believing Gu Yan and Shen Ting had something between them. When she saw Gu Yan accept the drink, she only wanted to turn and go home.

Gu Yan’s affairs had nothing to do with her. He was an excellent student, popular, and paired well with girls like Shen Ting—a perfect match.

But she was just an average student, unnoticed by teachers, ordinary in the eyes of classmates, lost in the crowd, barely visible.

Gu Yan was too dazzling; she didn’t belong by his side, and would only drag him down—just as Shen Ting had said today: she was nothing but a plain, mediocre toad longing for a swan like Gu Yan.

Recently, she had been too happy, forgetting to hide her feelings, which must have made them obvious to others.

She had always concealed her feelings well—just as she had with someone in the past, so well that even she believed she was only his friend. In the end, just like now, she let him go, even with a smile.

Yu Sheng’s steps felt heavy, her bag pressing on her shoulders, making it hard to breathe; her chest felt stifled, as if she wanted to shout, but couldn’t.

She couldn’t let herself cry easily, couldn’t say no easily, had to endure, and endure a little more.

There had been a girl in her middle school class who would cry whenever she was upset. Yu Sheng hadn’t understood and once asked, “Why do you cry?” The girl sniffled and replied, “Because I’m a girl.”

Yu Sheng was stunned. Her father often taught her not to cry easily—if she didn’t, her enemies wouldn’t fear her; if she did, she’d boost their morale and diminish her own. She had always lived by this rule, never complaining to anyone, always shining brightly—but was she really that radiant?

She felt someone’s breath behind her, and her heart tightened, expectant yet hesitant, as she turned around.