Chapter Seventeen: The Young Man Returned to Where He Began

By the time they finished eating, it was already three or four in the afternoon. Song He insisted he didn’t want to go anywhere else, claiming all he wanted was to lounge on the sofa, watch a movie, and take a nap—he was exhausted.

“Is it because you didn’t enjoy the places I took you?” Yu Sheng asked.

Gu Yan gave Song He a look, and Song He swallowed what he’d been about to say.

“No, no, that’s not it at all. I’m just lazy!”

The places you took us were perfectly wholesome!

Yu Sheng pouted. “All right, then.”

After they got back, Yu Sheng went upstairs to do her homework.

Seeing her leave, Gu Yan turned to Song He and said, “If you dare say her choices were boring, don’t bother coming over ever again.”

“Hey, I never said that. That was you,” Song He replied, sprawling on the sofa.

“I could see you were about to. Personally, I don’t find it boring at all. Any place is interesting as long as Yu Sheng is there.”

“Oh? Is that really how you feel?” Song He asked, intrigued.

Gu Yan fetched two bottles of cola and sat down across from him.

“What are you getting at?” he asked.

Song He sat up, took a sip of his drink, and asked, “What exactly is Yu Sheng to you now? Classmate, neighbor, someone you’re pursuing, or your girlfriend?”

Gu Yan thought for a moment. “A bit of everything, I suppose.”

“And that’s precisely your problem!”

Gu Yan frowned. “What problem?”

“You say you’ve lived this before, that Yu Sheng was your girlfriend in high school, but right now she isn’t, is she?”

“I can pursue her again, can’t I?”

“Of course! But I don’t see you actually doing that.”

Gu Yan protested, “Who says I’m not?”

“Then tell me, what have you done to woo her?” Song He propped his feet on the coffee table.

Gu Yan promptly kicked them off. “I bought her breakfast, helped her with homework, and even helped her brother.”

“Does she know you did those things because you wanted to? Does she know it came from you?”

The question stumped Gu Yan.

“She knows, but with the breakfast, I was worried she’d be embarrassed, so I told her it was her brother who asked me to look after her.”

“There you have it! You’re too self-conscious. That’s why you haven’t gotten anywhere.”

Gu Yan perked up. “Oh? So, Master Song, what’s your advice?”

“When it comes to courting a girl, you have to be a little shameless—the bolder, the better! All those secret gestures go unnoticed. It just looks like you’re quietly pining for her.”

“I am quietly pining for her,” Gu Yan muttered.

“That’s your problem—you’re stuck in your old patterns. Why live this life exactly as you did the last? You’ve got a second chance—live a little!”

For the first time, Gu Yan found Song He’s visit useful.

“So what do you mean by ‘live a little’?”

“Be bold, be shameless, show her you like her, that you can’t do without her. Don’t leave her in doubt.”

“That’s exactly how I feel!”

“But she doesn’t know it from your actions!” Song He said, exasperated.

Gu Yan leaned back on the sofa, hands behind his head.

“Is that so?”

“Of course! I’ve only been here a few days and even I can see it. Honestly, you’re not half as smooth as I am.”

Gu Yan rolled his eyes.

“Didn’t you say you thought she liked me too?”

“Having a good impression of you isn’t the same as being your girlfriend. If she stops feeling your passion, that impression could vanish. And if she never sees your silent efforts, they don’t count either.”

“So you’re saying I should go all in?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. When chasing a girl, shamelessness is your greatest asset! The more relentless you are, the more she’ll like you!”

Gu Yan was skeptical. “Who would like an annoying guy?”

“I mean your methods should be bolder, your words more assertive.”

Gu Yan nodded in understanding.

That night, Gu Yan lay in bed and reflected on his actions. It seemed nothing he’d done had made much of a ripple.

As he pondered, the door to his room creaked open.

Gu Yan looked up, alert, just in time to see Song He poke his head through.

“Damn it, you freaked me out!”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Song He said, clutching a pillow and standing in the doorway.

Gu Yan sat up. “Go on, then.”

Song He twisted awkwardly. “I want to sleep in here tonight.”

Gu Yan immediately lay back down. “Get out!”

“That’s not what I meant!” Song He ignored Gu Yan’s protest, tossed his pillow beside him, and climbed into bed.

Gu Yan sat up with a start. “What do you really want?”

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Song He said quietly.

Gu Yan sighed and resignedly lay down again. “Safe travels, then.”

“This time, I really am leaving.”

“What else would you be doing?”

“I mean I’m going abroad, possibly earlier than before. Things might not play out the same as last time.”

Gu Yan thought for a moment. “Mm.”

But Song He was dissatisfied; this wasn’t the reaction he wanted.

“Why are you so calm? You won’t see me again, you know!” he said, shaking Gu Yan vigorously.

Gu Yan, thoroughly rattled, couldn’t sleep at all.

“We still have our phones, don’t we? If you miss me, just get in touch,” Gu Yan snapped.

“But this time, I won’t have you with me,” Song He replied, his tone deflated.

Gu Yan said nothing.

“You’re really not going abroad this time?” Song He probed.

“If you see me overseas, that means I’ve failed again in this life.”

Song He nodded, accepting his fate, and lay quietly beside him.

After a while, “Hey, Gu Yan, are you asleep?”

Gu Yan didn’t respond. Song He poked him.

“Well?” Gu Yan grumbled.

Song He brightened at the response. “Can I ask you something about your past life?”

“What exactly?”

“Your obsession with this place, what you call failure—what happened?”

Gu Yan was silent.

Song He thought he didn’t want to talk. “Never mind, you don’t have to say if you don’t want to. I was just curious.”

Just as he closed his eyes to sleep, Gu Yan spoke.

“Death.”

“They died. She died, too.”

Song He was taken aback, and immediately realized the “she” Gu Yan meant was Yu Sheng.

“And you?”

“Me?” Gu Yan gave a weary laugh. “I survived, burdened with guilt, and I didn’t even know why.”

“So now you feel guilty toward her?”

“Maybe.”

“In that case, my advice as your friend is not to approach Yu Sheng out of guilt. Feelings like that are tainted,” Song He said, turning serious. “You’ve got a second chance—live boldly, let things happen naturally. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”

For once, Song He was unexpectedly warm. Gu Yan felt comforted in a way he hadn’t expected.

He smiled and nodded. “Alright.”

The truth was, there were many times Gu Yan didn’t want to recall that day. Whenever he did, a dull ache would settle in his chest.

If only he’d run a little faster.

If only he hadn’t argued with Yu Sheng.

If only he’d been a bit more careful.

That morning, Gu Yan and Yu Sheng had a minor argument. He’d planned to apologize in the afternoon, but just after school, the teacher called him into the office to discuss the upcoming Olympiad.

Before leaving, he hurried over to Yu Sheng’s desk. “Wait for me, Yu Sheng. I need to talk to you.”

He said it quickly and dashed off, wanting to finish up as soon as possible.

But when he returned from the office, Yu Sheng was gone.

Gu Yan sighed. He’d just have to apologize later.

In his previous life, Gu Yan hadn’t rented at Yu Sheng’s place, but his house wasn’t far from hers—they lived in the same direction.

As he exited the classroom, he ran straight into Lin Ning.

“Lin Ning, when did Yu Sheng leave?”

“She just left, not long ago, it’s—”

Before she could finish, Gu Yan was already running toward the school gate.

“She was called away by someone. She was waiting for you,” Lin Ning called after him, but he was already too far to hear.

At the corner, Gu Yan remembered a shortcut. It was a bit dirty, but maybe he could catch up to her.

As he entered the alley, he saw Yu Sheng’s schoolbag. Books were scattered everywhere, the bag tossed carelessly on the ground.

A chill shot through Gu Yan’s mind, his heart pounding with alarm.

The school had been on high alert recently because of an incident involving a student from their class. He never imagined—

Gu Yan dared not let his thoughts go further. He prayed desperately as he ran ahead.

Sure enough, as he drew closer, he heard Yu Sheng’s voice and the sounds of a struggle.

In his panic, he failed to pay attention to his surroundings. As he reached Yu Sheng, someone lunged from behind and pinned his arms and legs.

“Gu Yan!” Yu Sheng called, her clothes disheveled.

The man holding Yu Sheng wore a mask and a cap. When he saw Gu Yan, he snorted and pulled out a switchblade.

“Stop! I’ve already called the police!” Gu Yan shouted, struggling desperately, but it was useless.

The man drove the knife into Yu Sheng’s body.

Yu Sheng stared at Gu Yan, her gaze vacant, then collapsed to the ground, blood spreading in dark pools beneath her.

The instant she fell, the world seemed to fall silent. Gu Yan felt all strength drain from his body. He wanted to run to her, to catch her, but then something struck his head from behind.

The world vanished—everything went black. Only Yu Sheng’s eyes remained, watching him.

In his last moments of consciousness, he felt his hand touch Yu Sheng’s still-warm blood—it was soft, almost comforting, just like her hand.

At least, in the end, we were together.

That night, Gu Yan had a dream. In it, he was lost, surrounded by darkness, unable to see anything. Suddenly, he spotted a beam of light ahead and rushed toward it, afraid it would disappear if he was too slow.

When he got closer, he saw someone standing in the light—it looked like Yu Sheng!

Overjoyed, Gu Yan waved to her, but realized she had her back to him. He called out, but no matter how hard he tried, no sound came. He tried to run faster, but the closer he got, the further Yu Sheng seemed, until finally she vanished along with the light.

He was left in endless darkness, alone.